Saying No (Gracefully) To The Wave Of Requests To Volunteer At School

The minute your children start school, the requests for volunteer help start rolling in. And since there is nothing more critical than your child's education, it can be very, very difficult to turn down the requests. After all, there is a definite correlation between active parental participation and school performance.

But getting it right is another matter.

Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, or work-outside-the-home, there's just a boat-load of guilt that comes with this territory. You can feel guilty you're not doing enough, guilty you're doing too much and shortchanging your family of quality time? guilty for saying no? guilty for saying yes? So what's a mom to do? Fundamentally it comes down to committing to do fewer things, better. When you take on too much, you don't end up doing anything as well as you could. So, if you struggle to say no without guilt, here are five simple strategies to help:

1. Follow the rule of one

Allow yourself to participate in one volunteer event per school year. Do that one event well. Whenever someone asks you to pitch in, if it's not the one you agreed to help with, simply say, "I've already committed to work on Project X and that's all I can really take on this year."

2. Put a policy in place

If you struggle to balance your checkbook, let's face it, you'd make a lousy swim team treasurer! Make it a policy to only take on volunteer projects that are a good fit with your skill set. When someone asks you to lend a hand with something you're not terribly good at, all you have to do is say something like, "Oh, I'm the wrong person to ask for help with that? I'd make a mess of it." You can also make it a policy to only volunteer time that involves interaction with your children. Shelving the library books vs. chaperoning the school trip, for instance.

3. Beg for time

Swap your "sure, no problem" for "that sounds really interesting; let me think about it and get back to you." Then use the time to determine whether or not you really want to take on the task.

4. Script some no responses in advance

Sometimes it's easier to have a canned response than to figure out how to respond in the moment. A good one: "my heart says yes, but my calendar says no."

5. Use email

If you feel the pressure to say yes in-person, use strategy #3 and then deliver your no via email or voicemail.

Using these strategies will help you hone in on the volunteering you really want to do, have time for, and that means something to your and your child!

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How To Find A Bargain At The Local Markets

Some weekends we go bargain hunting down at the local markets, and last Saturday it was the turn of the arts and crafts market. A customer was talking to one of the stall holders, and the first question he asked was could he get a certain product for half price!

The stall holder was somewhat surprised at this request. Whilst you can expect to negotiate prices from market traders, asking for half price is not going to win any friends in some countries, whereas in other countries that is an accepted part of the process.

Sometimes you'll find stall holders have marked-up their products knowing customers are seeking large discounts. They may catch unsuspecting tourists who don't even think to negotiate the prices, and then happily part with the price as marked.

Finding a market stall that is owner operated gives you a far better chance of being able to negotiate the sale price, though when looking at new products, you'll have less chance of finding bargains.

Our local market has many stalls selling second-hand goods, often purchased from garage sales in the area, reminding me of the saying: "One man's trash is another man's treasure". Some of it really is junk, though if you look closely you'll occasionally stumble across a bargain. When that happens, you need to have a poker face.

The secret is not to show too much interest when you find a bargain. We wait for the market trader to make a quick mental calculation based on how much they have paid to purchase the item, and how much profit they think they can make on the item. Often they have really little idea of what a customer would be prepared to pay, and it's a case of the first person to speak loses!

The market stall holder may ask:"How much would you like to pay?" Rather than answer, I'll just give a quizzical look. Or the other option is that the stall holder may say:"That's ten dollars", in which case I'll also give a quizzical look.

Have you ever noticed how in these situations, after a few seconds that silence becomes awkward and uncomfortable? It only feels that way if you let it feel that way. I've been in situations where they'll say, "OK, I can knock two dollars off!".

You see, the first person to speak next loses.

A favorite trick is then to walk away. If you hear them shout after you, you know that you've got a chance of a further reduction of the advertised price.

The great thing about a finding a bargain is that you made a purchase at a price that you feel is below what you would have been prepared to pay. It's nothing to do with what other people would pay. And often it's nothing to do with the real value of an item.

Part of the fun in finding a bargain at the local markets is in the search, not the purchase. Another part is the price negotiation, and the satisfaction that you believe that you've saved money on an item that you have been searching for a while to find.

We've found that by chatting to the stall holder, taking an interest in what they do, and who they are, will often lead to discovering some surprises and some true bargains, as they open up to you and reveal some hidden gems that they may have "forgotten" about and are not on display.

Have fun, be relaxed, take an interest, and you could soon be finding some great bargains at the local markets.

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Say No To Family Events This Year

As the summer comes to an end, only a few things are constant in the coming future; cold weather and family gatherings. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Eve. At some point you won't be able to skip that dreaded family event. Uncle Steve will ask for a hundred dollars, your sister in law will have six thousand questions hoping to figure out why her husband is dysfunctional. (if you're lucky) You're Mother and Father are a year older, crankier, more blunt asking constant questions about your job, love life, and health. Stress is at an all time high, you never know what will be said, or what odd behavior will occur to make you think; this is it for me, no more family events. If you feel this way you're not alone, family events are the most stressful times of the year. According to a Harvard Poll done in 1996, it was considered that family gatherings are one of the ten most stressful events. Family can be overbearing, selfish, and most important, oblivious to the turmoil they cause you.

You Can Choose Your Friends but you can't choose your family:

Family is special. Beside being infinitely annoying, they have been around since the beginning of your time. Have known you through all the hard and good times. They attended all of your events,and supported you when you needed that helping hand. That sounds great, but why do they cause so much stress? Why do we continue to participate in these yearly events? We must be masochist or insane. " I absolutely can't stand holidays, because it's ground hog day. I know exactly what's going to happen and the end result. It's never pretty," Says Judy Holmes A New Jersey Homemaker. Why do we feel responsible for engaging ourselves, we know what's going to happen. If you don't go, if you don't entertain these stressful events does this make you less loving or less family oriented? Try telling Mom, that you're not coming over for Thanksgiving because you'd rather sit home with a microwave turkey and watch the game. Conniption is not the word. We feel pushed, manipulated and coerced into attending. What to do.

It's Simple, don't go:

I know that sounds crazy, It's definitely not the PC thing to say. But, don't go! The only way to alleviate the stress of the holidays is to be absent. The problem is people tend to not see their family all year and cram all that time in 2-3 days. If you can possibly set aside some time during the course of the year, spending one on one time with Grandma, taking Dad and Mom out to lunch a couple times a month you won't feel bad about missing the gatherings for Christmas and Thanksgiving. That's what keeps us coming, its guilt. The guilt of not fulfilling family objectives, the guilt of the possibility of never seeing these people again is overbearing. The guilt of feeling disconnected or being looked upon as not being a part of the family is tough to swallow. As the holidays roll around don't feel bad about not going to the family gatherings, just give your time throughout the year and you will be fine. What do you think about this method?

Five Things To Do For the Holidays

Stay Home:

Staying Home is not a bad idea, you get a few days off work why spend that time over eating and listening to rhetoric from all sides of the family.

Take A Trip:

Go on a vacation, rates are never cheaper during the holidays but the most opportune time to take a vacation. Because most have paid time off work, if you accompany your holiday with vacation pay you can create a longer vacation.

Create A Party With Friends:

Invite friends who share your passion, make an event with people that actually don't annoy you.

Go To A Sporting Event:

Nothing makes a better holiday excuse than, "I have front row seats, sideline tickets to the game."

Work:

Spend the time working, this sounds counterproductive. Some people do like their jobs, use this time to catch up or figure out new ways to gain that bonus or strategize on how to gain on your competitor. This is an opportune time because you know others are not on the same page.

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